Press lightly to coat

Incidentally, you may have noticed that I don't use 'recipe-speak' - y'know, all that "Drain, toss and serve" nonsense. I don't care if it's a recognised convention, a short cut, a time-saver or whatever - I just don't like it at all.

There's something so ridiculously bossy about the whole thing. I don't take kindly to instructions being snapped at me in this way. "Drain! Toss! Leave! Serve!" It's not very polite. I also find it very impersonal and I get the impression these people have never cooked a day in their lives, let alone the recipe they're describing. There's no engagement with the subject matter, no "don't you find ...?" about it.

But of course, it can all be pretty confusing too!

"Leave for 20 minutes", it says. What, I've got to go out?! But I'm in the middle of cooking dinner! Halfway through a recipe last week I read "Remove from pan, leave and keep warm". So, I slung a a few blankets around my shoulders, put on my hat and coat and set off out the back door. "Where are you off to?" shouted my husband. "Just following a recipe - it's going to be delicious!" I yelled back, while rubbing my hands together and stamping my feet. Got to keep warm - it might be an essential element!

As you can see, I get into all kinds of pickles (mmm ... pickle!). But I think the impersonality and lack of foodie enjoyment is my main reason for disliking cookery books. I certainly prefer to receive recipes through word of mouth or tasting and testing, rather than reading. I also prefer trying things out and learning for myself instead of following instructions to the letter.

That's not to say all recipe books are confusing, dreary or bossy. Good old Nigella writes her recipes like stories or poems and she fully engages with everything she says. There's no doubt that she's cooked every one of these dishes and has had a great time trying out and changing the details. There's always a "I usually find ..." or "it's up to you, but I prefer ..." thrown in. Her use of language, too, is a cut above a standard recipe-writer - things like "blitz until you've got a ruby-glowing pile of shreds" inspires me so much more than "process into small chunks"!

I'll leave you with one of my favourite Nigella sections, taken from Feast (by Nigella Lawson, 2004). The recipe in question is cornbread, cranberry and orange stuffing, for a Christmas turkey, and this bit appears at the end. I just love the gratuitous nature of this random 'kitchen' hint:

"Should you have any stuffing left, here's what I suggest you do with one or two slabs. First, fry a rasher or two of bacon in a drop of oil then, when it's crispy, remove it to a plate and quickly fry the leftover stuffing in the bacony fat. When done on both sides, let it join the bacon and eat them together, joyfully".